Stand still

I feel like not much has changed within myself. Im still stuck emotionally unable to continue with emotions I lost what seems like long ago. I woke up and thought "this is so sad. Why am I not able to feel as I use to? Why cant I replace this hole?" Ive tried so many time to fill the void, but it just gets thrown back out as fast, if not faster, than when it was thrown in. I want to like other people I want to have a normal relationship I want to feel "love" because I dont anymore. It was destroyed. I was so utterly broken I would collapse from the sheer nothingness that I felt. I heaved with sadness and I ripped at my chest to try and get the hurt out. Oh so long ago... but here I still am affected by that. How I long for my ignorance of many years past. I still hold onto the frayed string of hope I will find that disastrous love feeling again because it was so powerful. In the fleeting moments that I was happy, I was free. In the crushing moments I was alone, I was nothing without them. In the moments I found out I was second best, I died.
Do the dead have a second chance? When it comes to feelings, I dont know anymore. Im almost ready to give up.
Sin
All I could ever want is you, all you could ever want is everything else.