Clipped wings

I just want to take a moment to talk about something that weighs on me every day, something that in some way always has; freedom. Im not talking about my basic right as an American but my personal freedoms every day. It may seem... invalid to most but to me it's been like a birdcage. Let's build a scene. There is a bird, that's had it's wings clipped very early on in its life and was put in a cage where it's lived most of it's life. It can do whatever it wants in that cage but it wants to be like other birds, flying, singing, living, outside of the cage. But it can't because of it's impairment. The problem was thought to be something with the cage so a different one was bought and the bird put into that one. So the issue was never solved. Since the bird acts like other birds it is assumed that it's okay but dont bother really paying attention to the bird nor it's changed song that was so bright at one time. The bird even if it wasnt in the cage wouldnt be able to fly but it still wishes that it could at least try.

People who have had freedom tell me it's not all that great. To do whatever whenever, to be young and dumb. But how would i know when I've never had the chance? I would love to make spontaneous plans with my friends, i would love to be able to stay out late and sleep in till whenever, make a bad decision and have to live with it the next day at work. It's not the big party life i crave but the little things im missing out on. The interactions i will never have. The moments i will never get to experience. I feel like im missing out on living. My heart grows heavy when i have to say "sorry guys i cant" All. The. Time.
I just want to enjoy being irresponsible sometimes.... not all the time just occasionally but i cant... i cant and it hurts.
Im sorry, though it's stupid, this is something i feel like just needed to get off my shoulders. It has started pushing me into the swamp that i call my foundation.