Curveball

Well that was unexpected and hurt just as much as you'd imagine. I'm disappointed in the way this turned out.. I'm disappointed that being up front and honest was a bad thing this time around. I thought that if there were issues you would've been vocal about them. This could've been a alot different. However, the lack of communication skills show that it could never work
Proving yourself right is painful sometimes. Told you someone like you couldn't be with someone like me.

I forgot

I forgot... I forgot how painful love can be. I remember now... I remember and I want to forget again. Why do I always fall for the kind ones that don't know how to tell me like it is? I let them lead me on. I know that they don't feel the same but for the sake of fleeting happiness I let them walk all over me. My heart hurts. My body is sore. I wish I didn't care so damn much!
I'm such a heavy burden to carry. I know that, and I don't want to weigh anyone down. The darkest voice inside of me is talking again. Telling me that... You will never find it. The love you crave doesn't exist. Pain is all you will ever have, girl. Learn your lesson, swallow this pill... You will die alone. The happiness you seek is nothing more than an illusion.
Why do I fall for the wrong ones? Why do I want those that don't want me back? What's wrong with me? What's wrong...with me? Is it because I depend on others too much? Is it because I'm emotional? Is it because I'm repulsive? Is it because I'm broken? Damaged goods? Is it okay to hide my tears, so that you never see my true sadness? Is it okay for you to never know the depths of my mind? Is it okay?
My aching heart, I'm sorry. Let's forget again... this thing..... Love.

Jitters

11-5
What is this beating in my chest? It's so warm. I'm jittery, my pulse races, and my heart is skipping beats. Every time my phone buzzes I hope it's you. Every time I see you, I'm like a puppy, I cant help but be happy. Butterflies fill me just by thinking about you. I just wanted to be friends but my actions, nor my mind, listened to my wearing heart. They did the exact opposite in fact. How long has it been since I've craved something like this? This overwhelmingly haunting feeling. This melting of the ice on my soul.
How I wish I weren't so afraid to tell him how much I do like him. However, it seems way too soon. I dont want him to run away, so I will keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. Hope no one else comes along and steals him away. However, if it does happen I will at least spare myself thr heartache of rejection.  He knows that I like him, but I doubt he knows the extent of it. I don't even know how it happened, but here I am thinking of him. Wishing he were texting me.
I can't get him out of my head.  I'd forgotten what it's truely like to have a crush. Maybe this is it? But I shall keep my feelings to myself.
He is an amazing person. I hope he lives his dreams and doesn't let anyone or anything hold him back. He has a warrior's spirit.