Can't sleep

I can't sleep tonight. Not only is my mind racing, I just got sick. I puked nothing but saliva :( dry heaves are the worst. So what's on my mind right now is this pregnancy. I'm worried I won't be a good mother. I'm worried that the child will turn out like me, with depression. I wish that on no one. I don't want anyone to suffer in the silence as I do. Keeping everything pent up for the sake of not burdening your friends. Telling them you are fine, when you aren't and cry in the next room. Yet they'll never know. I want my child to be happy. Not spoiled but humble. To have manners, be kind, smile always, be a good student, be more than I ever could be.
I never imagined that I would be going this alone. I imagined something produced out of love, not this mess I've made. But I already love this little one. I'm so sorry that most of the nights I've spent crying. I just wish things could be different. But he doesn't love me, he doesn't even have feelings for me, from what I can tell. That hurts because I never wanted my little one to grow up in a broken home. What I wanted shattered and I'm trying to pick up the jagged pieces frantically and alone. 
So alone I will bear the burden of my overwhelming sadness. No one deserves to carry something that heavy of someone else's baggage. I'm so tired, but I will force a smile on my face. One step at a time. Get over it... get over it...please God...help me.

I'm fine. Help me. Really. I'm fine. I'm not okay. I'm fine. I don't want to be alone. Don't worry about it. I don't want to drag you down. Just be happy. I want you to be happy even if it hurts me. Yeah. Please don't leave. Yeah. I'm sorry. Okay. Is this worth the pain? Nothing. I hope so.
SinsCatastrophe