Thoughts

I wonder what it is to be stable anymore. I've been there comfortably before and then something just goes wrong and I'm back in turmoil. I'm trying to look at things from a logical point of view rather than my strained emotions. It's more difficult to push them out of the way than you would think.
I've distanced myself quite a bit from him but I doubt he's noticed. I talk frivolous things with him, not really getting more than surface value of what I'm really feeling. As much as I say I'm done with heart break I can't control that. It sucks, especially dealing with hormones and their hell on my body for the next 8ish months.
There are nights where I would do anything to just be held, a tender kiss, a simple night enjoying it with someone else. Then there are nights I'm happy I'm alone. Then there are nights I am scared, angry, sad, confused, lusty, worried, sick, or days where I'm just kind of... numb. At the moment I would kill to makeout right now (haha).
I just crave that which I don't deserve.